Irritating Name Mash-ups

They're not acronyms, and they're not abbreviations. Apparently it's called a Portmanteau, more of a mash-up, or an odd nickname given to celebrities by the media. (Not real people, mind you, but the media. These are cold, calculated misuses of language.) We've seen it with Brangelina, Bennifer, J-Lo, and a whole mess of other "celebs" (Ed: SHOOT ME NOW!!).


The latest victim to dicocide (murder of names) is Susan Boyle, or, as she's more familiarly known: SuBo. I noticed this in today's Metro newspaper. The on-line article uses Susan's full name in the headline, while the printed newspaper read: "SuBo wows 25m in US".

A quick look on google showed that the use of SuBo as a term peaked in roughly June 2009.

Susan Boyle debuted in April 2009, and has over 1000 articles from April, Mary and June. The number dropped significantly in July, for whatever reason. Google only lists 96 articles mentioning SuBo, but over 4000 for Susan Boyle.

Poor woman. I feel bad that the only reason she's famous is because she's old, fat and ugly. Really, that's it. She's unattractive, and the fact that she can sing shocks people so much that she is given freak-show status as an artist. I've never heard her, myself, but I know they do occasionally get some real singers on these shows, so I don't doubt her talent. It's kinda like those kids who can do math really well: FREAK!! Not that Britain isn't known for its modern-day freak shows.

But now Susan's made the rank of pet celebrities. She is no longer her own person, Susan Boyle, she is a two-syllable title given to sub-humans who are hunted by the paparazzi and then displayed in magazines as a trophy. She is no longer part of the race of human, she is an object, like so many have been before her, and like so many will be after her.